Highlights

Inside

The Seftimes

Bowdon 6 Sefton 15

A Paul Walker try shot Sefton into a five minute lead they never lost and Mark Tyms added a second with Dave Edwards putting over a conversion and a penalty.

Hart: Well boys, things haven't gone too well in the first half.

We're only up 14 points on these frogs. But don't worry, I know what we're doing wrong.

Mertz?

Andrew Merthens: Yeah John?

Hart: I'm a bit disappointed with your stats. You're running 42% - 58% passes to kicks. It's too high. From now on I want you to kick the ball straight down their throat. The frenchies have been catching everything without any trouble so far, but I've got a real strong feeling they're gonna start dropping it soon. I want to get that percentage up to about 80 percent kicks. When you do pass it, for Christ's sakes keep it away from Jonahs wing. The man's already had to score 2 tries, and I don't want him getting to tired for the final.

Jonah?

Jonah Lomu: Yeah John?

Hart: I'm a bit disappointed with your sense of sportsmanship. Every time you've had the ball you've gone straight at the smallest man on the field and knocked the crap out of him. It's not fair. I've told Mertz not to throw the ball your way, but if you do get it, I want you to pick out a bunch of big men in blue jerseys, preferably the front row, and run straight into them.

Alama?

Alama Iremia: Yeah coach?

Hart: Good work, every time you've got the ball you've run straight into 2 or three big frenchies and had the piss kicked out of you. That's the stuff we like to see. Keep it up. You've done it so many times now that it's the last thing they'll expect. If anything, try and get a bit closer to the rucks, because Robins getting a bit old and can't be arsed running all the way out the break downs. Jonah, you should take a leaf out of Alamas book.

Jeff, how are you feeling?

Jeff Wilson: OK, a bit nervous though John.

Hart: Yeah, it shows. Have a drag on this joint, it'll take the edge off.

Jeff Wilson: Thanks Coach.

Hart: Give Tana a toke too, it'll give him courage under the high ball.

Jeze you look good with that black collar Jeff...if I was 20 years younger...anyway.

Anton?

Anton Oliver: Yes John?

Hart: Fantastic work mate. Every lineout's a lottery! You've got that ball flapping round like a dunny door in a nor-wester, nobody has a bloody clue where it's going to land. It's exciting stuff. The crowd are loving it. Keep it up.

Anton Oliver: Gee thanks John. I thought I was messing things up there.

Hart: Hey, you're an artist mate, you're an innovator. That's leading edge stuff. No one has ever thought of throwing the ball like it was a sack of pig shit before. Brilliant! I think that if you close the other eye as well, the effect would be true art.

Anton Oliver: Cheers John, I'll give it a try.

Hart: Backs, It looks like you aren't having any luck getting the fundamentals like catching the ball right. Stick at it for another quarter, and if you still haven't nailed it, try some of the difficult moves we tried at practice. I'll probably put Darrel on in the last quarter to give Alama a rest, so wait until then. With a cold pair of hands on the field, the move is bound to come off perfectly. And remember, keep it away from Jonahs wing.

Josh, Norm, good work rate. The rest of you forwards can basically relax and do sod all this half. Josh and Norm have got it covered OK? If it looks like the frogs are going to get a try and you can't be stuffed tackling, either give away a stupid penalty or just let them run around you

OK?

Ha! So much for the Gallic flair eh boys? See you at the after match, and hey, remember, it's just a game.

‘Seftimes’ is a bit of a larf, all characters in this newsletter are hopeless and any association in real life is purely coincidental. If you don’t like it ‘tough titties’, if you can you feed the Editor with ‘scoops’ feel free to E-mail on : - davidbohl@compuserve.com or you can visit the new Internet site at www.seftonrufc.co.uk